The Town Scryer is a mixed bag of humor, socio-political observations and ephemera from the perspective of a eclectic Pagan veteran of the counter-culture.

Saturday, December 31, 2011

To Boldly Go Where a Lot of Men Have Gone Before

I suppose it was only a matter of time, an inevitable outgrowth of Rule 34*. Dennis Hof, whose Moonlight Bunny Ranch East of Carson City has starred in its very own HBO reality series for several years, has finally noticed that science fiction fans have a lot of disposable income and, according to a LOT of internet jokes, the have trouble impressing women. 

Hmmmmm. Might be a business opportunity here!

And so it was that he created "Alien Cathouse" where the discerning fan can fulfill his fantasies. He has enlisted the aid of famous madam Heidi Fleiss to design alien makeup, costuming and perhaps prosthetics? 

Hof purchased the brothel and adjacent gas station, bar and convenience store on U.S. Highway 95 from notorious longtime Nye County brothel owner Maynard "Joe" Richards.
The store is being rebranded as the Area 51 Alien Travel Center and will feature its own line of merchandise emblazoned with little green men and women.

Hof's alien theme is already well past the probing stage, but important details -- whether the working women will be painted green, for example -- are still being decided.
He did confirm one thing: There will be alien costumes made for employees at the travel center and the women in the brothel.

*Rule #34: "If it exists, there is porn of it."

     Be seeing you.


A Signing Statement From Lord Macbeth

   To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow,
Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time;
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.

     Act 5, Scene 5

    Dec. 31st. Round midnight. Waiting with a glass of porter and some single malt for the ball to drop on the old year and already things ain't looking too rosy for 2012. President Obama signed the indefinite detention law that he promised to veto and we all knew the weasel words would come later...and they did.

    And so with each oh so reluctant acquiescence to the lure of unbridled power the banality of evil creeps into the body of the republic, metasticizing, hidden deep within the gaol where Bradley Manning waits, alone...but not for long.

    But hey! The President sure has a way with words, doesn't he?

                 And what a dazzling smile!

      Welcome to the last days of the Weimar Republic. We've been expecting you.

Christian and Kosher Sex Toys

     Saw this item in the news and thought, "It's New Years Eve, when a lot of single people go out looking for sex with a stranger and get too drunk to do anything about it if they do find someone of like mind."

     Therefore, as a pubic service announcement I am informing you that there's back up, not just for the Pagan and the apostate, but for the devout as well. Several enterprising souls have opened on-line outlets offering faith-friendly sex toys.

     According to The Young Turks, at least four shops offer wares for Christian lovers, although at least one refuses to sell condoms. There is also at least one Kosher sex toy shop in cyberland. I wonder what makes a sex toy Kosher. Are the dildos all blessed by a Rabbi? I would love to see film of that!

     For more and a video clip see kosher-dildos

     Be seeing you.

Pity the Lowly Intern


Be seeing you.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Return of the Son of Slime Mold

A Japanese scientist is cultivating slime mold that is capable of finding its way out of a maze.

This all sounds a bit familiar.

 According to Professor Nakagaki. "Humans are not the only living things with information-processing abilities," he said. "Simple creatures can solve certain kinds of difficult puzzles. If you want to spotlight the essence of life or intelligence, it's easier to use these simple creatures."

     Slime molds are a very primitive form of life that feeds on rotting leaves and do not possess a brain.

The Doctor believes that studying the intelligence skills of the slime mold may ultimately lead to more efficient transportation and communications systems.

 "Computers are not so good at analysing the best routes that connect many base points because the volume of calculations becomes too large for them," he said. "But slime moulds, without calculating all the possible options, can flow over areas in an impromptu manner and gradually find the best routes.” 

         Be seeing you.

Now That's Just Plain Mean!

   Only way I can make sense of this is the guy must have died owing the Appeals Court Justice money.

   The appeals court in question ruled that a man killed by a train while crossing the tracks can be held liable for the injuries caused by his flying body parts.

    The word "Kafkaesque" comes to mind.

     Back in 2008 Hiroyuki Joho was hurrying in the pouring rain to catch the inbound Metra train in Chicago that was due in about five minutes  when he was struck by a southbound Amtrak travelling at over 70mph.
A large portion of his body was thrown about 100 feet, striking and injuring one Gatane Zokhrabov, who sustained a broken leg and wrist as a result.

    A Cook county judge dismissed the suit filed by the injured bystander, finding that Joho could not have anticipated her injuries from his flying body parts. The appeals court, after noting that the case law involving "flying bodies" is sparse, has disagreed, ruling that "it was reasonably foreseeable" that the high-speed train would kill Joho and fling his body down the tracks toward a platform where people were waiting.

     Leslie Rosen, who handled Zokhrabov's appeal, said while the circumstances of the case were "very peculiar and gory and creepy," it ultimately was a straightforward negligence case, no different than if a train passenger had been injured after the engineer hit the brakes.
"If you do something as stupid as this guy did you have to be responsible for what comes from it," she said.

     More at

     Be seeing you.

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Coming Soon: The $25 Personal Computer

The Raspberry Pi, a budget priced bare-bones computer, (case, keyboard, and monitor not included) is about to launch. Finally a computer will be within the reach of the poorest families, the youngest children, and most people in developing least potentially. 

"Early models of the Pi will be offered in two versions. The first, Model A (US$25), will sport 128M of RAM but no Ethernet port. Presumably, most of these will end up in educational use. The second, Model B (US$35), will have a larger production run and offer 256M of RAM along with 10/100MBit networking capability. Both are powered by 700MHz ARM11 CPUs and include hardware support for OpenGL ES 2.0 and Blu-Ray caliber (1080p30 H.264) playback."

Once the system is configured with user-supplied peripherals, Pi will initially drive ArchLinux, Debian and Fedora ARM GNU/Linux distributions - RPF has plans to add others later on. 

In other words: it won't support Windows, but what do you want for $25?

For lots more and a video clip see: gizmag

Be seeing you.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Your Breasts Have Been Recalled

A breast implant produced by the French company PIP (Poly Implant Prothese). Photograph: Sebastien Nogier/AFP/Getty Images

     The French government has recommended that all women with breast implants made by PIP (Poly Implant Prothese) have them removed as soon as possible. It has taken the extraordinary measure of offering to not only pay for the procedure for the French women who have the implants, but also for an estimated 30,000 women in Costa Rica, which was one of the principal markets for the implants. 

     Two weeks ago Paris health officials reported eight cases of cancer in women that had the suspect implants which it was discovered were made using industrial grade, rather than surgical grade silicone.

     Xavier Bertrand, the French health minister, said in a statement on Friday that women with PIP implants "do not have a higher risk of cancer than women who have implants manufactured by other firms". But he warned of "well-established risks of ruptures" in the faulty PIP implants.

     Some 270 women in the United Kingdom plan to sue clinics where they had the implants fitted.

     Meanwhile, Interpol has issued a warrant for the arrest of the founder of the company, Jean-Claude Mas. 


     The primary market for the suspect implants was Central and South American countries such as Costa Rica and Venezuela. Neither of the source articles mentioned the United States. For more information see the links below.

implants and interpol

Be seeing you.

Friday, December 23, 2011

British Debate Makeover for Prehistoric Mega-glyph

    A large group of amateur historians contend that the Uffington White Horse, pictured above, was originally a unicorn and have obtained financial backing raising over 50,000 pounds to finance its "restoration".

    The glyph is over 3,000 years old. It was made by creating trenches depicting the animal and then filling them in with crushed white chalk. The horse, or unicorn as the case may be, measures 374 feet in length.

     Leading the group insisting that the beast was once a unicorn is Paula Broderick, a well known author of children's fantasy books. She said:  "The Uffington White Horse has been a great British landmark for centuries, however its true form has always been shrouded in mystery.
"You only have to look at its head to see that it is not, strictly, a horse.
"We believe that the Uffington carving is actually one of a unicorn, a mythical creature known to have fascinated our ancient cultures and folklore."

     There has been a debate over whether the glyph actually depicted a horse or some other animal for some time. Convention has settled on a horse primarily because ...

     It has been referred to as a 'horse' since the 11th-Century, primarily because ancient scripts from nearby Abingdon Abbey refer to 'mons albi equi' at Uffington - or the White Horse Hill.
According to Paula the figure is "most likely" a unicorn - a mythical beast resembling a white horse with a large horn projecting from its forehead.
Its original horn, she argues, would have been removed by over-zealous Christian scholars in the 13th or 14th centuries.

 More at The Telegraph. Unicorn taken from the group's facebook page. Additional thanks to arbroath.

Be seeing you.

Police Chief Fired Over Inappropriate Christmas Cards

Euclides Santos, Police Chief of the Portuguese city of Coimbra, has lost his job after sending a Power Point presentation featuring a number of scantily clad women and the following inscription on the closing pages:

"Enough with insincere and useless words. What I wish you from the bottom of my heart, is that you have incredible sexual relations, live a merry and happy life, work hard and get well paid,"

The message evidently went out to all 1,500 employees at City Hall.
The Mayor appears to have not been amused.

Be seeing you.

What Kind of Wine Goes With Sliders?

    White Castle, the fast food chain made a household word by Harold and Kumar, is looking into adding beer and wine to the menu. They are currently testing the concept in Indiana with domestic beer going  for $3 and wine for $4.50. The eatery in question is one of White Castle's new concept restaurants called, "Blaze Modern BBQ".

       according to MSNBC:
“This was something that customers had been suggesting,” said Jamie Richardson, a spokesman for Columbus-based White Castle System Inc. “They thought that beer and wine might go nicely with the barbecue that was available at Blaze. We’re certain that we might have some customers who might enjoy some sliders and a beer or wine as well.”

     No name brands were mentioned in any of the articles I was able to find on the subject, which raises the question: What kind of wine goes with a slider?

     Feel free to supply your own punch line.

     Be seeing you. 

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Vatican Too Late to Reserve ""

(Reuters) - The Vatican said on Wednesday an unknown buyer had snapped up the internet address, a domain combining its name with an extension reserved for pornographic content.

     Father Frderico Lombardi announced on Vatican radio that the Vatican had attempted to reserve the name and discovered that an unknown buyer had already done so.

    The Father did not elaborate upon the Church's reason for attempting to reserve the site. Other well known organizations have made preemptive purchases to prevent pornographic sites from being launched bearing their name. 

     Be seeing you.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Screw Cocaine, The Real Money's In Smuggling Butter!

   Two Swedes were arrested by Norwegian police for smuggling more than 250kg of butter into the country. They had already delivered one consignment for approximately $40 a package. They had arranged a number of deliveries before crossing the border in their small van.

      A sudden spike in demand has left Norway with a 1,000 ton shortfall just as the Christmas baking season has arrived, causing prices to spiral. Swedes soon began posting ads offering to deliver butter from across the border for  as much as $75 a package, still a better price than is being offered on line where prices approach $350 for just over a pound of butter.

    For more see: Norway butter shortage and Smuggling



Monday, December 19, 2011

Church Wars Over Virgin Mary: Just In Time For Christmas

     St. Matthews in the City in Aukland, New Zealand put up the billboard illustrated above, which depicts the Virgin Mary looking with concern at the results of a home pregnancy test. It was torn down Saturday morning by one Arthur Skinner who leads a protesting group calling itself "Catholic Action Group".

     "Even people who aren't Catholics know instinctively you don't attack the Blessed Virgin who gave us the saviour of the world," said Skinner. 

"Half the world is celebrating Christmas at the moment, and to see this at this time is an absolute abomination."
"The blessed virgin doesn't need a pregnancy test, she knew she was pregnant, she agreed to it and she would have been full of joy to know that she had conceived our lord."
Skinner freely admits he is guilty of vandalising the billboard.
"If they want to arrest me then so be it," he said.

    Glynn Cardy, the Vicar at St. Matthews, contends that Mary would have been accused of having an illegitimate child and the the billboard was intended so honor her courage and to stimulate thinking about what it would be like to be poor and pregnant. 
     "It's really asking people to remember, coming into Christmas, that this was a woman of tremendous courage and faith, that she was not some plasticised icon, somebody who doesn't have human feelings."

     The church describes itself as catering to a progressive congregation. and arbroath

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Weasel Dust of the SS

     It sounds like the title of a bad Uwe Boll film, but evidently some South American drug runners decided to "disguise" over 200 kilos of cocaine base on its way to the lab for final crystallization by pressing it into blocks and wrapping it with a Nazi flag.

     Needless to say, their diabolically clever plan to evade detection failed.

     One suspects they may have been sampling their own product. and

Saturday, December 17, 2011

Sgt. Pepper Spray's Lonely Hearts Club

"The American Dream has run out of gas. The car has stopped. It no longer supplies the world with its images, its dreams, its fantasies. No more. It’s over. It supplies the world with its nightmares now."
J G Ballard, 1983.

"A policeman's job is only easy in a police state." Charlton Heston in the Orson Wells film, "Touch of Evil"

Friday, December 16, 2011

What Child Labor Looks Like

“Breaker boys in #9 Breaker, Pennsylvania Coal Company mine at Hughestown Borough near Pittston, January 1911.”


Not Quite Guy Fawkes

Lolita Lebrón being arrested after the armed assault at the House of Representatives in Washington D.C., on March 1, 1957. 
She was part of a group of Puerto Rican Nationalists who organized to commit a number of attacks on several locations in the U.S. capital city. They were protesting Puerto Rico’s colonial status and proclaiming the desire of independence. At the moment of her arrest, she shouted: “I did not come to kill anyone, I came to die for Puerto Rico!”.
She served 25 years of prison, before a pardon was issued by president Jimmy Carter in 1979. On her return to Puerto Rico, she was received by many as an heroine. She continued to be actively involved in the independence cause until her health prevented it. She died on August 1, 2010 at the age of 90.

A Splendid Satire!

ACTION ALERT: Stop Lowe’s from using Arabic Numerals Posted by Gen. JC Christian, Patriot

 Patriot Lowe’s may have bowed to God’s will and pulled advertising from TLC’s “All-American Muslim,” a show with the gall to depict Muslimolibs as human beings, but the hardware/appliance chain still promotes the Islamuninistoprog agenda. They do so by using Arabic numerals in their pricing. Arabic numerals (e.g. 1, 2, 3…) were designed by a Muslim named Al-Khwarizmi in DCCCXXV A.D. They were then imposed on the West by the Great Whore of Babylon, Pope Sylvester II, a man who constantly fingered his astrolabe, in the late Xth Century. Please write Lowes, today, and ask them to stop exposing our children to Arabic Islamonumbers. 

Here’s a sample letter:

 Dear Lowes, 
We’re not fooled by your paternalistic attempt to silence our righteous whining by pulling ads from the teevee show, “All-American Muslim.” You are still exposing our children to the Islamuninistoprog agenda through your use of Arabic numbers in your pricing and measurement systems. We demand that you cease using these Islamonumbers immediately and replace them with good, old fashioned, American Roman numerals. The change should not be difficult to make. For example, you’d simply change something currently priced at $1,783.84 to $MDCCLXXXIII.LXXXIV. Nothing to it. Please make the change immediately. We’re watching you. Heterosexually yours, [Your Name]

 Here’s Lowe’s email address,, and phone number, 1-800-445-6937. 

Get ‘er done.

source: Jesus General

Thursday, December 15, 2011

A Rain of Apples

   This Tuesday rained apples in the town of Keresley in Coventry, England. More than a hundred of the fruit were reported to have fallen from the sky.

One driver said: "The apples fell out of the sky as if out of nowhere. They were small and green and hit the bonnet hard.
"There were other cars on the road at the time too and everyone had to stop their cars suddenly."

Some of the local folk wondered if the apples might have fallen from a passing plane, while Keresley parish councillor Sandra Camwell said a freak black-out happened on the same road last year.
She said: "Strange things do happen in this part of the world. I think it's highly likely that apples did fall from the sky.
"We're in an area with a spooky history, where there have been witches for centuries, after all."

     Such happenings are often called "Fortean events, after Charles Fort who compiled a great many such happenings in his books. The local meteorological office suggested that a mini-tornado might have been responsible.

    Among past reported Fortean events have been rains of fish, frogs, and on at least one occasion, pancakes.

Monday, December 12, 2011

And So, It Has Finally Come To This


 This evening while channel surfing I chanced to stumble across an old friend's television program on Public Access. Jeanie has been a pillar of the progressive movement in Sacramento for as long as I can remember. She walked the picket lines against the Wars in Iraq when nearly everyone was in favor of them, when all she got for her trouble was derision and scorn. I believe she would have stood on that corner alone if no one else came.

She proudly co-chaired the local Nader for President campaign here in 2000 and remained proud after the narrow decision and all of the accusations.

    With all of this history as a stalwart progressive I was shocked when she announced that she would register Republican and vote for Ron Paul in the 2012 election. She went on to explain that in light of the President's assertion that he had the right and the power to assassinate American citizens without trial or due process who were merely accused of being terrorists, now that Congress was about to pass the Defense appropriations rider that allowed the imprisonment of Americans without trial or due process indefinitely, she felt compelled to support the only remaining candidate from either party to respect the Constitution.

     And so we have come to this dark place: A social Darwinist who named his son after Ayn Rand looks like the best choice to halt America's relentless slouching toward Fascism.

     I do not agree, but I understand.

      As for myself, I shall still vote my conscience. I will doubtless have to look to a minor party for a candidate worthy of my vote. I have no delusions that it will make a difference. I simply cannot hold my nose and vote for the lesser evil again. I wouldn't trust any of the candidates from the major parties to watch my cats, let alone my country.

     We are governed by whores in the service of corporate pimps.

     A pox upon both their houses.



Friday, December 9, 2011

"Rat" May No Longer Be An Insult

A new study has shown that rats are capable of empathy. No only do they appear to share the discomfort of others, but they will free a fellow rat from confinement even when there is no obvious reward for doing so.

This makes them superior to many members of the current Congress.

     "In the new study, laboratory rats repeatedly freed their cage-mates from containers, even though there was no clear reward for doing so. The rodents didn't bother opening empty containers or those holding stuffed rats.
To the researchers' surprise, when presented with both a rat-holding container and a one containing chocolate — the rats' favorite snack — the rodents not only chose to open both containers, but also to share the treats they liberated."

    Much more about this fascinating study at the link.


Thursday, December 8, 2011

The Value of a Free Press

Back in 2010, the ad agency Scholz and Friends made the following ads for The International Society for Human Rights. They feature famous pictures of horrifying news stories with absurdly false headlines. 
The handwritten note in each ad points out that our information could be this bad without freedom for the press.

Thanks to twentytwowords.

Why We Don't Have Any Rights Any More

    Back in the '90s I wrote an occasional political satire column for a monthly called The Comic Press News. I remember during the run up to the '98 Governors election there was a three way race on the Democratic side leading up to the primary between Gray Davis, Kathleen Brown and Tom Hayden. Davis and Brown were about even in the polls with Hayden trailing them both by about ten points, if I recall correctly. It was still very much anybody's race. One major gaffe could easily swing everything.

      Gray Davis had made a speech in which he made a statement that sounded like a promise to institute random locker searches in the schools as part of an anti-drug policy. I had heard talk about a new proposed bill to institute random urine testing in schools in the Capitol building elevator a few days earlier. I called up his press liaison  introduced myself and asked for a clarification on the candidate's statement.

     There was a pause..."You're going to write a satire on us, aren't you?"

                "That depends on what I find out."

              "Can I have your fax number? I'll send you some material explaining our position. Please read it carefully before you go after us." (Or words to that effect. It has been a while.)

     Almost immediately pages started coming out of the fax machine. After reading the text, and reading between the lines, it seemed likely that Mr. Davis was trying to kill the urine test bill by proposing something weaker as an alternative and siphoning enough votes away from it to his own...which might very well not pass either. A clever maneuver and one frequently used. If you are around politics much you see it fairly often.

     The problem is, to people who don't deal with politics and politicians it looks like a real attempt to start searching our children's property at school. When someone who seems fairly progressive seems to support something like that it looks a little less odious the next time and then one day it actually becomes law because everybody does subtle maneuvers and all too few speak out for principles.

     And so we go from searching your kid's locker to you peeing in a cup to get a job...any job. Then before you know it we all get scanned and groped before we can get on a plane. It all comes about because nobody wants to look soft on crime, and so they settle for just a little infringement of our rights and dignity and the Bill Of Rights dies the death of a thousand paper cuts.


Failure To Communicate

Remember all those jobs that illegal aliens were taking from good hard working Americans? Remember all the good American men and women that would surely line up to fill them once those foreigners stopped stealing our jobs?
Guess what? Some states in the South passed really tough laws requiring schools to check immigration status and allow police to do the same for citizenship status on all encounters. Now the farmers complain they can't find anyone to work their fields and are worried their crops will rot in the field.
Enter the Alabama Department of Agriculture and Industries. Their Commissioner, John McMillan, has hit upon the solution of using prisoners on work release to harvest the fields since God forbid they should pay a decent wage.

     The problem is, that may not solve the problem. Georgia has the same problem and tried work release prisoner labor this Summer. Many of the prisoners walked off the job complaining the work was too hard.

     In other words, undocumented workers are doing jobs that convicts prefer a Southern jail to doing.